At such a young age we begin to seek out approval from others. It begins as toddlers looking to our parents for approval, as adolescents it’s our friends, and once we enter the working world it’s all of the above in addition to our boss and colleagues. It seems we are constantly seeking out the approval of others.
In my yoga class a few weeks ago the instructor quoted a sociologist whose teachings he had studied. The quote by Cooley goes like this:
“I am not what you think I am.
I am not what I think I am.
I am what I think you think I am.”
I was blown away by its simplicity. The more I thought about it the more I came to realize the meaning it held for me. My interpretation goes like this “It’s not how you see yourself, it’s not how others see you, it’s how you think others see you that runs your life.” It’s the “runs your life” part I want to address here.
I don’t know about you, but I have made many decisions (some of them real doosies) based on what I thought someone else thought I should do. Or how about this, have you ever chosen to wear a piece of clothing because you thought it would impress a particular person you would see while wearing it? Do you buy (or avoid) certain name brands because of how you think others will think of you for owning them? Do you make business decisions based on how you think others will judge you? How about parenting decisions based on what others are doing even if you don’t fully agree? This is what I mean by “running your life.”
For so long I was at the mercy of the people in my life. They, of course, had no idea. (Those from whom we seek approval rarely do.) As you may know, before I became a coach I was a Nanny. I was so concerned about what others would think about that as a profession. I was in my mid 30’s after all, college educated. I thought that they thought that there must be something wrong with me — that I couldn’t do anything “better” than take care of someone else’s children. If I saw people I knew I would do whatever I could to avoid them so I wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment. I was afraid of what they might think.
What I came to understand later was that these were all my own inadequacies that I was imposing on others. I felt ashamed and lost because at that time in my life my personal and professional lives were in shambles. I learned years later that these same people I was avoiding actually admired me for taking on one of the most difficult jobs there is. I didn’t see it that way at the time so I imposed my feelings, my judgments on them. Very similar to a self-fulfilling prophecy, I’d say!
So, many of your decisions are based on your thoughts about what others will think, say or do in response to those decisions. What now? I’ve spent a lot of time on this myself. I’ve learned a lot about positive thinking and changing your thoughts to change your life, and all that good stuff.
I’d love to hear how you have come to make your decisions and how much influence you allow others in your life to have on those decisions.
Please, share with me below. I can’t wait to hear from YOU!
Have a fabulous weekend! XOXO
